I think I know what you mean, Yian, that's something I'll keep an eye on. I think it's particularly bad with Jennifer because I've been drawing her for so long, I'm used to drawing her a certain way. Anywho, two more WIPs before I call it quits for the night. I think I'm nearly ready to do the proper pencils on these, but I've saved these at high resolution just in case.
Noticed as I was scanning that that her mouth doesn't fit quite right, I'll try and sort that out.
Their hair still make very little sense to me... It is very difficult for me to envision how they would look in real life, and frankly, if someone were to do a cos-play based on your sketch, they would probably have a hard time doing their hair - it is just not clear what is going on with their shapes. Also, some florcks are at different length at werid places, making it look as if the barber did a really bad job and the length overall is uneven.
I think at this point it is very important for you to study hair from real photographs of women, and also look at other comic artists' work to see how others draw hair.
Honestly, I'm not sure what it is that doesn't make sense to you, but I was going to post another drawing tonight anyway, with hopefully improved hair, except I haven't managed to finish it :P Here's some refs and stuff I found though.
phil it's because you haven't shown any bend to the hair, so for instance, the fringe could be hanging, blowing to the right, or standing statically straight. You have shape to the side of the head but nothing showing the flow of the hair. i think that's what yian means, although to be honest, i know what you are trying to show.
I think one of you is going to have to do a paintover or something, because I'm really not getting this, and it's starting to frustrate me. This is what I hate about getting crits sometimes, I go back and change stuff, it's not any better, I try again and again, and I just end up sick of the piece and getting nowhere. http://www.artfulscruff.co.uk | deviantart
Hope you don't mind me adding this, but I hope they do a paint-over for ya Philby. I would if I thought it would
be of any help, but I haven't done much hair myself, so pretty sure it
wouldn't be helpful. ... But If it's any help at all & If I am correct from
the above post, they are simply saying your hair doesn't have any life
to it. ... This may be a bad analogy here, but try to think of a little girl's dolls. (2 of them) ... Both clearly have hair, but one has hard, molded, plastic hair
that doesn't move, ever. Where the other one has say horse-hair or similar
material, that moves, swishes, or flows in the breeze. - Basically mimicking real hair and has life to it. It's not static, or solid. I believe that is what they are saying, that you should draw your hair that shows movement, and doesn't have the solid, static look to it.
Hope that's of some use? - & hope ya don't give up on the pic. :)
Not sure whether this is much help, but I did a paint over of what I think can be improved. I think two things make people think her hair looks "stiff" and one is in part your style - you like clean and orderly lines, but hair has a tendency to not want to be overly orderly... Also, your bangs fall down from her face as if her face is vertical, but you've actually tilted it a bit. This means the bangs should fall vertically and at a slight angle compared to the face, if that makes sense.
I've done the following in the below paint over:
1) The bangs are more vertical (and the longer one is shortened to be the same lenght as the other) 2) The "tufts" sticking out from the back of her head has a curve to them instead of being spikey straight 3) The skull is slightly "slimmed" on the left side (our left) because we're not seeing her face from straight on 4) I changed the outline at the bottom slightly because I felt it unbalanced the pic some
EDIT: I'd take a look at her mouth too... The corners of her lower lip look strange to me (lips usually becomes thin at the corners unless hidden by the upper lip, but Jen's lower lip doesn't seem to be obscured an it's also fairly wide compared to the upper lip. Of course it may be how you want her mouth to look, but like I said itlooks a little strange to me...
Thanks voluspa. The attempts I'd done at redrawing her actually had some of the stuff you've done already, in particular the bun and the way the hair hangs. I'd noticed the outline at the bottom as well, but haven't done anything about it yet, and I think I see what you mean about the lips.
Also, this was in my inbox on DA just now, I quite like the hair on it.
That is some lovely hair. Not sure it works for Jen's character though. Unless you are plan on switching her look up. ;)
I think Voluspa has given you a helpful example here Phil. :)
I hear you about being frustrated with the back and forth. Sometimes you just have to focus and plow through. Either that or switch over to another project for a bit. Like me, I'm sure you have a few kickin' around! ;)