My confidence in people has been dealt a serious blow this week and I'm still recoiling from the initial assault, my own reaction and the reaction of others on the forum.

After posting artwork for a poster that I've been working on and hoping to get some feedback from others to help improve it I was shocked to find the first post, from a very well established forum user and artist of considerable skill, was nothing short of a personal attack based on nothing more than my choice of user name, post title and project title. Without going into the fine detail the advice offered by this person to me was; "I have two - one for you, and one for everyone else: For you, I'd suggest making at least some tiny effort to involve yourself in the community; for everyone else, I'd suggest not commenting on your work until then."

I usually a very calm and tolerant person who isn't quick to rush in to confrontation or resort to vulgar language but this post cut deep and stung like hell. In hindsight I should have taken the time to think about my response calmly and settle my rattled state of mind and emotion - unfortunately I didn't and my response to the user in question began with dialogue I won't repeat. Needless to say it indicated what I thought this person could do with their comment and highlighted a foreseen difficulty they might have in doing it before going on to express my shock and objection as well as justification for my selection of user name, post title and project title.

Perhaps because of a degree of forum naivety I was surprised by the reprimand issued to me by a couple of other forum members. Their responses mainly inspired by my choice of language and void of any disagreement with the initial post.

Thankfully with the intervention of a forum moderator the matter has seemingly been resolved but it has seriously made me question any future involvement I might have in the forums.

When it comes down to it. Being and aspiring artist I don't really see myself as having much to offer in the way of advice to others. I don't have an extensive portfolio of finished work and while I enjoy the process of creating work, I haven't yet created a piece that I've looked at upon completion and gone "WOW" that's awesome, I've actually produced something worthwhile."

Is it enough to simply comment on peoples work; "That's a really great composition", "Fantastic use of colour", "Wow what and awesome pose"? Is this what I should be doing in the forum as a way of becoming more involved?

If you have an opinion I would love to hear it, because right now I'm about ready to drop it and simply go back into my on little sphere of isolation - it's nice and comfortable there.

Okay, here goes. I've never blogged before and I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to achieve in doing this. I'm rapidly approaching 35 and have worked as a graphic designer for the past 11 years. For as long as I can remember I've been a drawer and loved to sketch all kinds of fantastic characters and creations. For as equally long I've also been frustrated and disappointed with the results and have now reached a point where I'm desperately endeavoring to take my art to the next level. To take it from an amateurs level to that of a professional - that's my life's goal, that's what I want most. I completely admire those artists featured in ImagineFX and have their work showcased here or at deviantart, CG Talk or concept.org.

For drawing all these years the only thing I've got to showcase is a massive pile of unfinished drawing and a pitiful number of "completed" works I'm to ashamed to put in a folio. In reading this I know I probably come across as a complete "wanker" fishing for reassurance and messages of encouragement - but that's not what I'm after. Nor am I after a motivational lecture. I'm simply aiming to clearly set out where I'm at and where I want to be. Maybe what I'm hoping this blog will do is help me stay on track with my efforts. Keep me focused on my ultimate goal. Give me the fuel to keep myself moving forward. Fingers crossed it works.

Currently I've got a great opportunity to devote myself largely to this pursuit. I've recently resigned from my last graphic design role after 4 and bit years. I guess I could have picked a better time given the current economic climate and downturn in employment opportunities but I felt a change of studio environment was long overdue. So while I'm seeking a new role I also have the time to lock myself away and dedicate myself to getting to grips with my work. If anyone has any suggestions on where to start I'd love to here them. Presently what I'm doing is going back through all my books and old issues of ImagineFX and flagging all those articles I think can help me. I truly wish that for ever "How-To" art book I've ever brought my creative talent/technique improved - I'm damn certain if it did I'd have been a professional long ago. In conjunction I'm also spending time each day assessing my old drawings and what I need to do to improve them. Whatever time is left over I then spend wrestling with my WACOM, Photoshop and Painter. 

I firmly believe I've got the capacity and talent - but my patients with myself is running low. I haven't given myself a timeframe, I just know if I can't elevate my work to a professional level soon... then I should probably stop kidding myself and either resign myself to being nothing more than an amatuer and enjoy just playing around or give it away completely.

Comments most welcome as are slaps upside the head (maybe that's what I really need).

Cheers

Jimbo