To be honest I'm not really sure what my motivation is for this blog entry, I guess it's the hope that by expressing my current thoughts and feelings I can somehow regain my focus and enthusiasm.
Lately I've had very little of either. I've had no inclination to tackle anything creative and feel like I fallen into a very deep and rather depressing rut. I know part of this is due to my ongoing state of joblessness and repeated knock backs. When I left my last place of employment in March I certainly didn't think I'd still be looking for another full time gig in October even with the global finanical crisis. I guess this has caused me to question my creative talent and if I truely possess it or if I just convenced myself I was a creative. Right now I feel incredibly like a pretentious poser and loser. My conviction has ebbed away - so was it really that strong to begin with? My focus has evaporated and has been replaced by the attention span of a... well something with a really micro sized attention span. My goals have lost their shining radiance and while I still drink in and admire the work of so many other talented artists I'm starting to think I'm just not meant to be in the same realm. Perhaps all I need is kick up the ... or slap upside the head, who really knows.
What a depressing self indulgent read this entry makes. Maybe I should stop listening to so much Morrissey.
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Comments
phoenicorn said:
Right where to start. Well we all have these thoughts and the only way to overcome the way you are feeling is to practice. Something will come along but in mean time try something new. Next thing I am about to say is I have seen your portfolio site and most of the stuff is kind of samey. I am not saying you don't have skill but you should take a look around to see what styles you can steal, err... draw inspiration from. You can do this friend and most of us are in the same position.
Finally check this link out. it inspires me to get my ass into gear.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGEWCAzTFNo
kazky said:
emo... lol kidding! jimbo, your job problems are most likely to blame for the way you are feeling, worries about money kill creativity. I know, i've got some money worries at the minute, and the last thing you feel like doing is painting a fantasy.
So i've been the same as you, until recently, when i thought 'feck it' & decided to throw myself into painting to take my mind off the problems. I'm not saying it'll solve all your problems, but you get a bit of a mind rest while you're doing it. It helped me escape the worry for a while.
Now the 'am i good enough' question is harder to solve, because it's also about how you feel about your work, and your impression of how good others are, you will always have the thought that someone is better than you, but isn't everything in life like that? The only way to get better as you know is to work at it, so you're making a self fulfilling prophecy by not painting. But you also need to get thick skinned, as i've said to you before, if you post your work on the forum, and ask for honest and harsh crits, you'll feel like crap initially, but when you get over that, and see through the tears, you'll see that the advice is going to really help you. I used to be so sensitive and scared to be slammed, but now i'm grateful for every crit, and now the mistakes i used to make are disappearing, and i'm embarrassed that i used to make them, without the crits i would still be making them.
granted, there's other areas that i suck at, but i'll get to them.
You have to have a dream, and something to aspire to, otherwise you might aswell get a job in tesco's (not knocking tesco's) and just be satisfied. I'm sure you want more than that, and it's not set in stone that you'll get to where you want, but it's not set in stone that you won't either & the only way you'll know is to keep trying.
depression is horrible, don't let yourself slip all the way into it. Try to be strong minded & when you feel like crap, pick up your pencil and draw something nasty, it might be therapeutic, and if not, at least you'll be drawing.
Sometimes you do need to have a break, maybe this is the time for you? but have a break because you want to, not because you can't be arsed to draw.
phew, that was a long and probably boring post!
JimboJimboJimbo said:
Thank you phoenicorn and thank you kazky. The support that you have both offered me now and in the past is great appreciated. Your input means such a lot to me and I truly value it - particularly at this junction of my life. I'm very humbled that you would both take the time to read my post and offer your support. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Cheers
Jimbo
PS. Isn't there an age limit on being emo?
phoenicorn said:
repay us by posting up on your sketchbook :)
JimboJimboJimbo said:
I think I can do that :)
kazky said:
lol, emo is a state of mind, its not ageist! ha ha, no we're all entitled to get a bit down jimbo.
And you're very welcome
phoenicorn said:
well this is getting too sentimental for my liking I think I am going to be sick