Beginning the Journey Again

High on Oils!!

2008-06-21T17:47:00Z

...both the excitement of using it, and the smell ;)

Just over a year since getting Painter X and discovering the wonder of the oil brushes, I have now used real oil paint for the first time, and I must say that although "real" mediums are a little intimidating - paint has always scared me (both the real thing and the microsoft program ) - I found this entirely too much fun to use. After dabbing around with different brushes and playing with mixtures of turpentine and linseed oil (and dropping a brand new, expensive bottle of Liquin all over the table) I then remembered about Pallette Knives from Painter and used various bits of plastic to plaster the paint on, then off, then scrape little patterns in it, and it won't dry for a few days so I can still mess with it later if I want! (I have to admit that fast drying was one of the things that scared me about real paint). There is so much more for me to discover though, from blending to the real life version of "layers" and whatever else it can do. This is like downloading a new software!!

Okay so this wasn't much of a blog post, but I'm trying not to write anything until I've written about all my classes (I can't believe how many people have asked me when I'm going to post about them, didn't know anyone actually read this thing!!) The problem is, I've had sooo many lessons that there is simply too much to write, and the longer away from the date it is the less I remember. But I will get started on that as soon as I'm done worrying about my exhibition.

Yes, I said exhibition!! It's nothing spectacular, just a few paintings from a couple of students across various classes, in the school foyer. Interestingly enough, my painting teacher actually wants me to participate in it, with the terrible mess I just made using Oils for the first time, and my drawing teacher quite likes the caricature of my grandfather I made. But the problem with these "real" paintings is that every time is a first for me, first time using watercolours, first time using oils, first time using canvas, etc - there is also the fact that there are only two paintings that will be done in time for July. So I am going to print off some of my digital creations onto canvas to present as well, because I imagine these opportunities are quite rare and I'd like to show off what I am capable of when not completely terrified of the medium.

More problems though!!
The first is not really a problem, it's just that I have to choose which of my pictures I want to print and display. Any feedback from you "readers" would be greatly appreciated (most can be found here and if not, I will have a folder of finished pictures up within the week).
The second problem is a bit of a setback for me, because the only print-to-canvas places I can find are the ones where you print giant photos of your children to put on the walls. The choices of canvas size at these places are extremely limited, and because printing photos is the current fashion in interior design, each canvas costs a small fortune. I haven't been able to find someplace that offers some sort of discount for multiple prints, so next week I'll ask my teacher if she knows of anywhere. She probably won't, though, because she didn't even know what digital painting is so I doubt she would have any connections in that field.

I must finish writing now, before people start throwing tomatoes and asking why I write about trivial things like this and not my classes as I promised at the beginning of the semester. I have to make a drawing to prepare for my adventures in Gouache next week (last lesson! ) but I'm not sure what, cos I don't know what Gouache can do in real life such as blending and transparencies and stuff, and I also want to paint something more serious than normal (my teachers encourage my fantasy-related stuff, which is great, but I'm starting to get waaay too many fairy pictures).

In keeping with the "different medium/style each picture" challenge I set myself, next semester I will be starting an adventure into 3D. I've already done some quick scribbley storyboards for some music videos I plan to make - hopefully I will know enough 3D to have them at least stick-figure animated before the artist releases her own music videos

I'm Back!! (I think...)

2008-05-09T12:49:00Z

Well it's been a while, hasn't it - unfortunately my medical (mis)adventures have kept me away from my art. BUT exciting things will start happening in my blog now that I have started taking art classes!!!

To start things off will be my very first Life Drawing experience ever! I will have a full report and scans of any work I do next week (it is a two-day weekend workshop). Then I have a "Drawing 101" or "Drawing for Beginners" night-school class which I enrolled for because even though I draw a lot, I don't know any of the fundamentals and I think my art could benefit a lot from learning some of the important basics. After that is "Drawing in the Outdoors" and then mixed media ("Painting and More").

It seems like I am going to be very busy but since a lot of them are weekend courses it comes down to just two hours a week of actual "class" - but hopefully it will be enough to prepare me for what it is like to "go to school" since I am not experienced in that area, and I can start taking a couple of short courses next year. If everything goes perfectly, I should start a diploma in 3D by 2010. Oh but how I wish I could be doing all that right now! But as everyone keeps telling me, small steps....

I have a few projects in the works (although most of them are still in my head) and if the factors of my life all fall into place I will be joining in the forum challenges once again. I've already done some small concept sketches for the May Challenge, which you can find in the WiP Forum. I'm starting to get really interested in 3D graphics again and I have some short animations in my head that I will draw some storyboards for, before learning how to turn them 3D. These involve a fair bit of fashion design too, for the main character, so I've been doodling some dresses in my sketchbook while in the car.
Yes, I have re-acquainted myself with pencil and paper since I've been away from home so much lately and when I am at home either I've crashed and can't get to the computer or the computer has crashed and can't get to me (ever tried drawing fur when each strand takes over a minute between making the stroke and the corrosponding mark appearing on the screen??)

All in all, 2008 is finally starting to look like it will be a good year for me (I was a bit worried for those first couple of months!) Nobody comes into this blog to read about my specific health problems so I won't write about them, but I can say that I am optimistic about that too.

Anyway, it's five months late, but I think now is a good time to wish everybody a happy "new" year, let's see where the journey takes me now!! (I did think of a more exciting blog description the other day, but now I've forgotten it....)

-- RJ xx

PS: Until I have designed a webpage to put onto my new domain I have re-organised my photobucket account, so some pictures in my previous blog entries and forum posts may have changed URL... Tell me if you see a broken link and I'll fix it

Arial Progress

2007-08-04T04:01:00Z

Well there isn't much but my last post on her was mostly a rant with a few pictures stuck on the bottom so here's a post dedicated entirely to her. I think "Arial" is more fitting for a cyborg mermaid since it's a font.

I know the challenge is long over now, but to be honest - and this is very embarrassing - my computer reset itself for some windows update or something just over a week ago and didn't save my virtual post-it notes.... so, when I started it up again, I uh, forgot about the IFX forums and everything (still don't have the memory thing sorted out... which is also embarrassing on Face Book because all these people that I'm sure I know but just can't quite remember from where keep adding me and I have to ask them who they are and they're like, DUDE I was your best friend at jnr high!!!

Anyway I finished the game I was playing and went back to reading IFX magazines and while looking through issue 18 - very gently so as not to do any damage and make it any less than mint, for anyone looking to trade with me - I saw Lorna in the Art Surgery and I was like.... hmm I think I know her.... oh DUH it's Comtessa from the forums, and then I remembered about the challenge and stuff, but by then it was already the 3rd of August.

Enough of my personal ramble, here are the WiPs on Arial.
I did realise at some stage why her tail looks so AWFUL and it's because the cables just go in that direction, they're not twisted up like if her tail really was made of a bunch of cables. So I stole my parrots rope, losing my favourite fingernail in the process (I've had to cut ALL of them now just so they're all even!) to see how the twist works. Unfortunately I've started up some medical stuff again, so I have the 8 hours for the drip, the next two days are complete write offs, the days after that I just don't feel like doing anything, by the time I can actually get myself up at the computer again everything starts all over again.

Hey didn't I say this was supposed to be dedicated to Arial and not to personal whine? Okay, so I lost my fingernail and gained a rope which I'm going to use as reference next time I work on her, like how I plaited some wool to get the reference for Repunzal's hair. People are going to start wondering about the amount of rope I have draped over my monitor....

Anyway here's the work to date and when I'm able to continue work on her I'll put the updates in here like how I do with my other pictures. This is just copied and pasted from my other post about her.

First snapshot: Ariel Outline

Snapshot 2: "Proper" colouring for parental benefit

Snapshot 3: Roughing out

Snapshot 4: Robin-ized

Hopefully it will look better once I've finished the whole (oh, and added textures). And I do plan to trim her butt a little bit.

For people wondering about the waters effect on all that metal - well, that's why the cords that make up her hair have rusted bright red

Here's the spaceship sketch, it hasn't been given the Titanic treatment yet:

I like the circle tool a lot, as you can see

It can be hard sometimes.

2007-07-25T14:24:00Z

Which would you prefer, a sick brain that could draw or a fixed one that can't? Tough call, huh? You can't really make a proper choice until you've experienced both sides of the equation. Ideally, there would be a third choice, a healthy brain that could still draw (and do other things) well.

My brain isn't completely fixed so I'm not completely talent-less, and even if it was I think I'd still be able to do Disney fanart, but I've definately noticed that there is much less creativity and drawing going on and much more mathematical thinking and coding going on.

Anyway I did have a huge blog post written about that but I figured, who the hell wants to read that crap anyway, so this can be an art progression thread instead - but for reasons stated above plus MANY more, it will probably be the slowest progress report ever.

This month's challenge: Sea Fi.
Why are the best challenge topics always going on when I can't do them? The beginning of the month I'm still recovering from surgery so nothing too exciting happens there. Finally I'm able to get up for short periods at a time and eventually come up with the mad idea of giger-izing Ariel the Little Mermaid.
Well, the Disney Gods weren't too happy with that and sent my non-existent blood count some antibiotic-resistant double pneumonia to try and handle. When I'm finally able to get back to the computer I have the following things stopping me:

My drawing abilities have taken a huuuge dive.
I can't stay off O2 for more than half an hour before I have to either lie down or pass out on the computer.
My parents can't see me doing this particular drawing as they would most certainly dissapprove of the style (as it is, I keep my Giger book inside my Disney book, like how kids at school keep their comics inside their workbooks) and I'm not even allowed to be up anyway, so I have this system where I can tell when my parents are coming by their shadow changing the light cast on a little rig halfway down the hall, so I have just enough time from when the light goes out to when they arrive in my room to change the screen to the "innocent ariel" version of my pic so when I get sent back to bed they can turn off the monitor without seeing the travesty of my twisted mermaid.
I have to actually be awake and in condition to sit at the computer and draw to actually be able to do it, so that cuts it down to maybe one "session" a day.
The Disney Gods are mad at me.
I'm trying to rip off two of my most favourite things which will no doubt end up being a huge insult to my favourite artists.
This is a REALLY hard, if not impossible, endeavour.
I like bullet points.

All these factors make it totally impossible for me to even finish Ariel on her own by the deadline, let alone the whole scene. For once I don't have a little MS-Paint diagram of what the scene layout will be, so use your imaginations.

In the background is the shipwreck of a spaceship. Cyber Ariel and Twisted Triton are having an argument while plate-metal Sebastian and Giger-style babyfaced Flounder watch on. "Ariel, I told you not to play in shipwrecks!". Eye moves on from looking at the argument and finishes on the skeleton of a star trekker decaying in the corner.

The spaceship is the Starship because it's an easily recognizable spaceship that I have a lot of references for, since I can't draw spaceships myself. It's buried in mud at the bottom of the ocean because the doctor down in Wellington quit so all the patients had to be sent up to starship causing an overflow that weighed it down so badly that........... Oh wait, that isn't this story. Nevermind the last paragraph. Just give generously to the starship foundation (the real starship) and help prevent overcrowding. Seriously, I was in a hallway for 48 hours

26 July 07
Music..... American in Paris
Inspiration..... Giger
I wish I was..... Rhodri McCormack

Finally have some wips uploaded, although they hardly deserve to be called that as they're just sort of snapshots of "what I've done so far" each day. I'm going for Robin's freaky-cool style and even tried using the mouse for a bit because of the control it has with dodging and burning (these are all techniques I haven't used for aaages!).
It's hard to tell at the moment since there aren't any textures, but she's pretty much made up of cables and bits of metal. Her breasts are the leather strap-on style that can be seen in the background of a lot of Giger's work.

First snapshot: Ariel Outline

Snapshot 2: "Proper" colouring for parental benefit

Snapshot 3: Roughing out

Snapshot 4: Robin-ized

Hopefully it will look better once I've finished the whole (oh, and added textures). And I do plan to trim her butt a little bit.

For people wondering about the waters effect on all that metal - well, that's why the cords that make up her hair have rusted bright red

Here's the spaceship sketch, it hasn't been given the Titanic treatment yet:

Hopefully there will be more wips to come, as I'd really like to finish this someday...

What a week!!

2007-06-25T19:50:00Z

Go in for a routine scan, four and a half minutes later I'm scheduled for emergency brain surgery. My life is one big soap opera. This post is really just to explain where I've been the last week, just in case anyone cared.

It's very worrying when only a few minutes into a scan you hear your neurosurgeon say the F word. I knew I was going to have some sort of procedure done, but not this!!! I thought they were just going to stick a needle into my brain. Maybe it's karma cos for two weeks I was complaining the hospital hadn't phoned me to say what they were planning on doing with me.... if I'd known it was this, I'd rewind and not whine

And although in the grand scheme of things it's no big deal, I'm kind of annoyed my sister failed to upload my "longing" entry into the My-FX challenge because the forums "scared" her.

So anyway, that's where I've been for the last week and that's why I'll be out of action for the next two or three weeks art-wise. I can still write in the forums and such, but even writing this entry is taking a lot of spell checking and re-typing because I'm flat on my back and am typing entirely by feel and knowledge of where the keys are. If my hand goes in the wrong place I end up with s nimvj pg hstnshr vp,omh piy omdyrsf pg ejsy o esmy yp etoyr. See?

Anyway if, for whatever reason, you want all the gory details, you can message me on MSN but don't expect an immediate, coherent, or correctly-spelled answer. This blog entry alone has taken forever and it's like 1/5 the size of my normal entries.

The image that started it all

2007-06-18T03:43:00Z

As I've mentioned faaar too many times before, I didn't consider art until I was around 13, mostly due to the fact that I hadn't drawn anything until I was 12. Anyway, the picture that convinced my parents (and then my parents convinced me) that I could actually draw, was a fan-art of Grendel which - to be completely honest - I drew well for the sole purpose of pissing off my best friend who was aaaalways going on about what a great artist she was. I wanted to prove to her that she wasn't as wonderful as she thought she was and that other people can do the same (hey, kids at that age can be petty and I'm no exception )

Anyway that was the beginning of the end of our friendship and the beginning of something new for me because I was terribly suprised at the finished product - having never really drawn much before (apart from finger-painted Disney fanart when I was a tiny child) - that even my father could tell what it was when looking at it (you'd have to know my dad to understand the impact of that ) and my teacher at the time encouraged me to keep trying at drawing. And that I did, and here I am. So while I was searching around my old pictures looking for some old sketches for the "Deity" challenge, I found a scan of the picture I've been rambling about - it's not as good as these words suggest but at the time I was pretty proud of it. This wasn't my very first picture, just the first one that looked like anything.

In other news, I got bored of Gaia and drew an "attitude" pic of Anubis peeing on the Sphinx, but my mum told me off so I edited it to look like a postcard from Egypt (I forgot to darken the head while on the computer so I used some freeware software on my laptop to darken it, which is why it looks so weird):

Oh and here's the version of Gaia I ended up submitting. In my opinion the best picture I've ever painted

Oh and I'm in the process of toilet-paper-sketching an idea for "longing", but I'm way too sick to complete it digitally on time. It's looking good though, so I might continue with it.

And before I publish, does anyone have any idea what an "AggView" is compared to a normal view? I just noticed that little table on the "Blog Dashboard" thing.

Imagination Overload

2007-06-11T00:29:00Z

While I wait for some sort of operation - I don't know what it is or when it is, just that it's happening sometime this week - the blood flow in my brain has passed from the left to the right hemisphere, which is good for my creativity but bad for my brain in general.

For each challenge, including ones that finished months ago, I have faaaar too many ideas and more mental images than I am able to transmit onto paper. This "Deity" thing is the worst because apart from the fact that instead of spending my life researching important things like math, english, science, life skills, etc, I spent most of it in the corner of the library reading books.... and since I was old enough to read the first picture books about ancient civilisation, I've been fascinated by cultural mythology, so much so that my knowledge of Greek Mythology used to be encyclopedic and I used to know the names, appearances and attributes of every egyptian and indian god, then there is the insane amount of folklore from my various heritages, and other random snippets of information.
I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that the bulk of that information disappeared along with the majority of my memory, however the images stayed, so as soon as I saw "Deity" as the challenge topic......

It's impossible to explain to anyone what it's like to have what I have. I suppose it's like being on meth or whatever that drug is that the kids like to use. It's like having fireworks going off in a world of strobe lighting flicking between inverses and everything is animated. As I sit here now, the screen is rolling, although that is not uncommon and a large amount of people see that. Not too many people see the walls crawling though, or the ceiling inching away from light sources like a network of caterpillars, the carpet swarming like maggots on a rotting carcass.... That's just with my eyes open.
I don't know where I'm going with this paragraph as I certainly did not intend to write it when I first opened this blog thing.....

Anyway, when the pressure is pushing where it is right now, everytime I close my eyes I get thousands of masterpiece images flicking past at 100fps and the slightest suggestion of anything can cause my mind to overload. Although I can barely grasp onto any idea long enough to send the message to my hand to draw it, these are the best times for me to draw. Not that I can ever put what I see in my head into an image other people can see.

It's nearly impossible for me to stick to one idea for longer than it takes to do a rough skedoodle unless I'm medicated, so yesterday I took a bunch of calm-me-downs (for other health-related reasons, not just so I can draw, for those of you who think I'm an Isaac Mendez type artist) and when I "came out of it", there was an image on my screen of this girl with the world on her face and although she was smiling she had sad eyes. I'd been painting it so hardcore I'm not sure if I even realised I was doing it, because it's only when I'm not concentrating that I ever do anything semi well, but it was just about finished save the details by the time I'd noticed I'd drawn it. Maybe that's why I can relate to Isaac in Heroes (although I'm still only up to episode 11.....)

So I turned a bunch of layers on and off to create a series of WiP images..... it was probably more helpful to me than anyone else, because I can't remember doing half of it and it was interesting seeing what I'd done.....
It looks like I started with a normal painting judging by the verdaccio and the fact that I have a jpg image in the working folder of something on its way to becoming a proper skin colour, but it seems to have evolved:

I don't appear to have a 500-wide wip pic of her with all the layers turned on (lips, eyes, nose def etc). If I'm able to get up later, I'll redo her hair like how wisky suggested, but if I end up suddenly in hospital without warning - an occurance that happens very often in my life - wip 5 will be the picture I submit.

It's interesting the picture stellarjae has drawn because it's almost exactly like one of those fleeting visions I had.... Actually I've started 5 different pictures for this challenge, although two of them were actually just old pictures I ditched several years ago and I eventually re-ditched them because I still had the same feelings towards them that I had when I first ditched them.
I decided not to go with my Anubis etc pics because I figured egyptian gods would be a popular theme, so it's suprised me they haven't come up yet. I knew some incarnation of a multi-armed elephant would appear, because they always do, and I already drew the gods of my various RPGs when I was 14 or so and don't particularly want to return to those subject matters because those pictures sucked then, and I don't know if I can do it again any better now. Also, the very thought of them bring back fragments of memories, and there's nothing more annoying when you're someone like me than having fragmented memories dancing in your head like jumbled up puzzle pieces that won't fit into each other.

Who would have guessed that Art would help me remember who I was.....

I also found after my surge of semi-conscious creativity that I'd written a very lengthy conceptual storyline for a game that was eventually going to end up being a Nintendo DS game but in the meantime would make use of tablets, or at least peoples skills with mouses. It was a pretty damn cool game I designed there, although when I tried to write the concept engine I was met with the oh-so-annoying wall that pops up whenever my left brain is MIA and I've managed to completely forget the functions of yet another language.

When I was a child, I was deemed "gifted" and educated accordingly, my behaviour during the intermediate years led to the suggestion of Aspergers, and throughout my life people have thought of me as some kind of genius. I wonder how much of it was genuine intelligence, the pressure on my left brain causing it to work at multiple times its capacity, or just one big cruel joke. I'd like to believe it was the brain thing so I can push aside the idea of my life being some big game, but in reality that didn't appear until I was 12 or so.... which makes me question why I would be given a childhood of such gifts just to have them taken away before I could make any use of them. I was enrolled in University when I was 14, and now, I can't do simple addition.

I think art is the only future for me now, which is a grim prospect given that for my age, I'm a terrible artist. You could say I'm being hard on myself or whatever you like if it makes you feel better, but the truth is, anyone my age in the art industry is actually in the art industry and brilliant at it. My best friend was 10 times the artist at 13 then I could ever hope to be by the time I'm 30, but she's studying multimedia..... I've been drawn to technology my entire life, probably thanks to the educational software testing done on me when I was a kid, but now I'm looking at being an artist......... I think something got terribly mixed up there.

I have no idea what the point of this blog entry was, and now I'm quavering over the button trying to decide whether or not to submit it. Maybe I should get myself a MySpace so I can write these stupid depressing emo things there where nobody I know can ever read it, rather than wasting space here. I don't know why, but when I get into this little text box, I just let loose on the typing and let all my stupid petty little random thoughts spill out, however nonsense they are. I hope nobody invests time in reading this stupid crap.

I must be insane (Fractired Fairytale Progress)

2007-05-22T11:35:00Z

Ok, so defying all health issues and up at my desktop, I'm trying to paint a picture in Painter in the style of Edvard Munch, a week before the deadline (fractured fairytale challenge), having only ever done two fully digital paintings before - both in photoshop. I know you should either be very good at photoshop before switching to painter, or just start out in painter to begin with, and that you should at least know how to paint in real life (no, I've never painted a single thing in real life ) before attempting to emulate its effects in a software package. And all this because I'm too depressed to do anything else - what a way to make me more depressed!! Trying to code a thumbnail gallery generator applet didn't work in lifting my spirits so I figured, if my friend doesn't work, I'll try my enemy. So here I am, once again getting myself in a frizzle trying to work out how to paint.

Painter.... well, I tried a few days ago to use the program following some tutorials in a magazine but since I have no short term memory I can't actually remember that occasion, I only know about it because I wrote a blog post saying that I'd tried it So naturally, this occasion feels like the first time I've ever opened it.

Painter is friggin AWESOME!!!! I started with a watercolour wash to get the colours blocked into my picture, and omg it does the transparency and the colour-getting-thicker-if-you-go-over-the-same-spot-twice (you know what I mean), but what most amazed me is that it shows you the paint drying!!!!!! Omg I'm spending waaaaay too much time scribbling with various brushes than concentrating on my picture, but here's my scribble so far (I'm not even going to be nice and call it a concept sketch because it's mostly the result of me playing and apart from basic shapes has nothing to do with my picture) Yes it's just a screengrab because I don't know how to flatten layers and anyway Painter only lets me undo 5 times instead of 500000000 like in photoshop so I don't want to mess anything up:

By the way, this was the concept sketch that I scribbled in all of 10 seconds in photoshop a few weeks ago... I decided to go with this out of all my billions of ideas and sketches (my sister and I spent an English lesson doodling into my pad different ideas rather than actually doing English) because I wanted to rip off "The Scream" and also study Munch's style. Unfortunately I can't find a painting he did of a brick tower so I may have to improvise there... Anyway, the concept scribble:

Wednesday 23 May, 01:30
Inspiration..... Edvard Munch
I wish I was..... Someone who knew how to use Corel Painter

Okay so Painter Classic just wasn't cutting it because to emulate the style of Munch I really need those oil brushes, plus almost all tutorials involving painter seem to focus on the oil brushes too. So I made the plunge and am in the middle of registering Painter X. Judging by the fact that my last IFX issue had an entire booklet on "what's new", learning Painter X is probably going to be like learning a whole new software all over again. Maybe I should have just started with it.... oh well, I didn't know.

My computer is really struggling to keep up with me because these softwares are sooo huge, even though it's a brand new computer. I suppose I should stop trying to paint at such massive resolutions, but with my sight I need to be zoomed in as much as possible otherwise everything just looks like blobs (although I have a feeling they may look like blobs to other people as well, given the comments about my "cute" priests in last weeks MY-FX challenge).

Speaking of challenges, there is no way I can get to my grandmothers house in time to both photograph her and draw the picture before the end of the week, especially when concentrating on this fractured fairytale thing, which I probably won't even finish anyway with everything else that's going on in my life.... so I'm not doing that one. But hopefully the next one, provided I'm still at home (looks like I'll be back in hospital drawing on toilet paper soon).

Wednesday 23 May, 02:40
Inspiration..... Edvard Munch
I wish I was..... less tired

Yeah I should really stop with that "Inspiration.... I wish I was...." stuff for this project since the inspiration will always be Edvard Munch and I'll always wish I was someone who knew what they were doing....

Anyway, after getting to grips with Corel Painter X (man it's freaky how real everything is!!!) I started back on my repunazal (someone please tell me how to spell that before I submit it!!) picture. I gave it a sky in similar vein to Munch's "Anxiety" series but the only kinds of grass I've found of him painting (and I can't say I have an extensive gallery of Munch pieces at hand, just some small jpgs from the internet) are either flat green (which looked odd next to the pretty sky) or random strokes. So I opted for a bit of both and played with the fact that the "oils" can blend with what's already there. Such an amazing program, I think this software is too advanced for me....

So I brought it back into photoshop for this screengrab but also so I could apply a brick texture from one of the IFX cds to the tower (don't worry I intend to paint over it so it doesn't look so much like a photo overlay) and the window where repunzal will be screaming.

You can faintly see the basic outline of the prince/knight at the bottom, although it's currently just a blobby blob because I haven't drawn armour on him yet.

Wednesday 23 May, 08:40

Com....pu...ter...........strug....gling.........to.......keep.......up...........
Man this Painter program is huge and it's eating almost all my memory. It's almost like when I was drawing blind a while ago (hey, being deaf never stopped Beethoven), I make the stroke, wait five minutes for it to appear on screen, if it doesn't come out how I want, undo, wait five minutes for it to undo, do it all over again. This is taking forever and I'm considering moving back into photoshop if the slowness gets too much (this IS supposed to be a fast picture).

Okay so I painted over the bricks and tried to shade the building by applying dark coats of watercolour on the edges instead of a gradient burn like I usually do...... It didn't come out the way I would have hoped and certainly doesn't look right, but I think maybe it fits into the style of the piece? yes? no? If I get feedback saying it sucks, I'll try something else.

Nothing much has really changed since last update, it's just drawing each brick by brick took me forever (and probably triple the amount of time than someone with a faster computer) and now my wrist hurts. My parents are also now awake and telling me to get back in bed

Trying to decide on what period of armour I should place on the fat prince given the sort of turn-of-century painting style that I'm trying to achieve (but not succeeding). Maybe just the typical knight-in-shining-armour style, but hammered out a bit. Or I could just shiny him up a bit to give the illusion of armour so as not to go into too much detail. I don't know. Feedback please!

Oh, and someone just pointed out the shading on the edges of the tower were skewed and a bit rake looking so I'll fix that up in photoshop (since my eraser tool in Painter is being funky because of the slowness)

Until next time!!

Friday, 25 May - 00:45
Music..... Pussy Cat Dolls - Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend
Inspiration..... Corel Painter X
I wish I was..... Ezra Tucker

Armour is a cow to paint on normal, frontward-facing or three-quarter, buff knights. It's a *** to paint on courageous fighters battling dragons. It's a bitterly-divorced-didn't-get-custody-wants-the-house-and-car *** to paint on a fat man who has just fallen on his arse.

I should probably have finished him before uploading a WiP picture, but I'm getting sick of him. I'm not very good at armour at the best of times so I'm not entirely sure what they have on underneath the armoury bits, so I gave him bright red - thermals? I think they're called? Can't be bothered finding a dictionary - pants so those who actually know the name of whatever it is I'm drawing may find some comedic value in the fact that when his thingy, the skirt thing at the end of his armour? Sorry for my lack of knowledge of words, it's a left-brain thing, I forget what things are called. Anyway, when that thing flies up as a result of him falling on his bum, the other thing becomes visible.

Okay, I know above paragraph made absolutely NO sense whatsoever (just be glad you don't have to listen to me in real life, I rely mostly on sign language because I can't make words come out of my mouth, and when they do, they're never the right ones. All my friends say I'm just like Captain Jack Sparrow, like that bit in the first movie when he wants parlay and he goes parsnip, parsley.... etc)

I do plan on changing the (first thing I mentioned) around his ankles into leather boots as soon as I can find a reference that isn't kinky boots or goth boots. I also know the bottom half of his helmet needs to be defined like the wrist-thingies but as I said, I kinda stopped halfway through painting him to take this WiP picture.

I LOVE Painter's Camel Oil Brushes and Wet Impasto Oil brushes. I've managed to achieve this beautiful "brushed" (haha) metal look using them although I need to practice control over my tablet because it is waaay more sensitive than I thought (it even knows when I switch hands!!)

Anyway, since the prince is annoying me right now I'm going to go work on Repunzal (someone please tell me how to spell her name before deadline because I'm adding comic-book style sub titles) because she needs considerably less detail than he does - she just needs to look like a copy of "The Scream".
Okay I admit I wasn't intending to make the prince detailed at all, I was just going to paint him gold and add a few highlights and shadows, but then I discovered the brushes and got totally carried away and now he has about 100x more detail than girl-with-long-hair-however-you-spell-her-name will have. Oh well, these things are all about learning and fun!!

I also had another battle with the evil Liquify tool in photoshop to try and achieve a more "roundness" to the tower instead of having the bricks just straight across but moving the center downwards and the edges upwards didn't round it out like I wanted and now it looks like a bulgy sack of potatoes with a brick pattern. I also painted over the istock image of the window but I think because I was using the clone thing it looks too much like a stock image and not enough like I painted it? Feedback please.

Saturday 26 May, 02:00
Music..... "At Last" - Dubreil and Lauzon's Free Dance music (I think)
Inspiration..... Victoria Frances
I wish I was..... Better, in every respect

Okay so tomorrow I'm going away and I dunno when I'll be back to finish my painting so I need to get all "painterly" things done in the next two hours because my laptop can only handle minor things like adding text, cropping/resizing things etc.

I know in this WiP picture the girl is way too big in proportion to the fat prince of bell air but I can change that later on my laptop. Right now I need to work out how to make the back of armour (the only pictures I've seen of armour are front-on) and when I've worked that out, I need to figure out how to apply it to a fat man.

I'm also trying to work out how on earth I'm going to have a bunch of plaited hair nestling around the prince because it will take simply ages to draw the plaits. So I thought maybe use a hair-brush and just draw strands of hair but that would all blend into each other and look messy. I'll try it though if my quest for a reference photo of 10 metres of braided hair falling in a pile fails.

The prince's shoes are annoying me. I might just extend his leg armour so I don't have to draw the whole boot. Also, his collar is all squiffed out of place at the moment.

And don't worry, I intend to find which layer is the culprit responsible for the random white mark on his back chainmail.
Also, I've fixed her hair from the large screenshot above using Photoshop's grass brush:

I seriously doubt my ability to pull this off to a reasonable standard in the next two hours. I'd ask for some help, but nobody ever reads this crap. I don't even know why I write it..........

Tuesday, 29 May - 23:45
Music..... Queen - Bohemian Rapshody
Inspiration..... Andy Jones
I wish I was..... Someone with extremely long blonde hair....

Scaramouche! Scaramouche!! Okay so I dragged myself up onto the computer tonight because I have to get this to at least contain all the elements of the picture before I can submit it. However, given the limited amount of time I have left to finish it, I can't write too detailed in here.

I'm referencing some yellow wool that I braided (hey an artist needs to improvise when she has no idea how to do something) for Repunzal's hair (yes, people finally told me how to spell her name ). This is a very rough blocking-in using Wet Gouache for the red-toned underlay and a very tiny Camel Oil brush for the actual strands of hair. I'm not too fussed on the correct placing of shadows considering the light source and the way the hair has fallen (the knight's armour reflects in all the wrong places anyway....) but right now I'm concentrating on getting the main "blocks" of hair in to suggest a braided plait and although it's a bit pixelly now, I'll be able to blur it on my laptop later. I need to utilize this time for things only Painter can achieve.

Anyway since I should be concentrating more on the picture and less on blogging, here is a quick snapshot of what I'm right in the middle of doing right now:

For WiP enthusiasts (and also in an attempt to make people join my MSN contact list..... lonely, oh so lonely....) I'm updating my MSN dp for sneak-peek WiPs hourly. I'm also probably going to not write in this again until I've finished with this computer (although later I may write in it via my laptop once all the WiP pictures are uploaded) so full-picture progresses can be found in the Fractured Fairytale WiP thread, or in my MSN dp. Which you'll have to add me to your list to see. You know you want to

MSN: chenyun-art@hotmail.com

Friday 1 June - too long after the deadline
Music..... Pink - Leave Me Alone
Inspiration..... My wonderfully supportive family (</lame>)
I wish I was..... Nickillus

I didn't win the Pink competition Probably because I questioned the questions being asked. Under the multiple-choice thing for "What is Pink's Current Record Company" they didn't have her current record company. Anyway, chances of me winning were miniscule anyway In more post-related news, I've completely forgotten to keep this thing updated on my Rapunzel progress, but fear not as it's all in the WiP thread.

Anyway, so I finally got the image to a near-complete stage and then all this hospital stuff happened and I forgot to add the text and upload it before getting admitted. So I went down to the public access internet as I didn't have lappy with me and waited like half an hour for this girl to finish playing on her MySpace thing. Eventually my mum's phone rang and the surgeon was like, okay we're all ready.... so I complained very loudly about how long this damn girl was taking and she FINALLY got off, I told the person I only wanted to purchase five minutes, but she said the minimum was half an hour, sigh.

Anyway so I tried getting through to my sister to add the text, flatten the image, resize it and upload it, but the neurosurgeon was getting impatient and next thing I'm getting my spine dissected and didn't wake up until this morning, after the deadline (long after the deadline), but eventually the image got uploaded and even though I won't be getting any votes or anything cos of how late it is, at least people can view the final image (click for the big)

Not as "finished" as I would have liked but I've had stuff happening and I was dumb enough to not start this until too close to the deadline, in the knowledge that I'd only get a few nights on the computer. Eh, my own fault

I know the hair on the right side of the picture sucks, my hand was getting tired by then, and the "shadows" are sort of very very quickly scribbled in. Kudos to my sister for the spiky speech-bubble thingamy although personally I would have only made the insides of it transparent and kept the outline as opaque as the text and probably placed it next to Rapunzel instead of underneath her, but she's studied art and stuff so she knows more about composition than I do.

Job: Artist - Requirements: Sight

2007-05-19T06:34:00Z

Okay so if you know me you already know about my health issues, so I won't go into the details, but anyway it's pushing against my optic nerve and I'm already having troubles with my drawing because of that. The problem is, most of the careers I'm looking at require vaguely-okay sight at all times - no reason to be hiring a half blind artist

Last year I used a screen reader and relied on touch-typing and bump pattern recognition for a while until I got an operation which fixed it but over the last three months I've noticed it deteriorating again and the fact that it takes 1000000 years to get an appointment with my neurosurgeon (I only trust the best with something as important as my brain, therefore he is the best paediatric neurosurgeon in the country and thus impossible to get hold of unless you're on the brink of death or a rockstar who fell out of a tree)

Okay I wrote this a few days ago when I was depressed and just realised it doesn't really relate to art toooo much and I also wasn't going to use this blog to whine about my life so instead I'm going to whine about the art challenges.

In the past I've tried to stay away from these because I know I'm nowhere up to standard to enter them, but tonight I decided to look at them and actually found that there are some good ideas/concepts to be found in those threads. There are two that I'm doing, although I don't plan on entering my finished artworks, I just like having a new theme to draw and also I want to learn how to meet deadlines because I have a habit of getting bored of my pictures and giving up on them until a few months later.

I had waaaay too many ideas for the "Fractured Fairytales" challenge that I don't have the skill to draw yet and it's a bit late to start unless I can finish it in less than 2 weeks, which I can't because I can only use my computer a few times a week (and I would have to try and fit that challenge into the other WiPs I'm doing), and I'm too scared to enter the "Rob as a Game Character" one, but the "Trapped" one caught my interest because as soon as I saw it I got this image of a girl trapped in a glass box.

I didn't really want to bring my health issues into my blog, I wanted to keep it strictly about Art but it's inevitable that the two would mix. After all, the only reason I'm pursuing art is because the left side of my brain got eaten, destroying all hopes of a career in medicine or engineering like I'd been aiming for my entire life.

But this glass box concept, I was suprised how quickly it came to me. My immediate "vision" was of a girl trapped inside a glass box in the middle of a bustling city, where she could see all the people outside but not communicate with them, and the people outside the box could just stare at the girl inside the box like an exhibit at the museum.

The reason this image was so striking is because it is a visual metaphor of my life.

I don't know why I keep writing a paragraph and then saving but not publishing, but I do. So anyway, I've already decided to enter the "Trapped" challenge using my girl-in-glass-box thing and I have most of her drawn, although I've moved away from the side-of-the-street idea and am aiming towards more of a zoo-exhibit concept, under a "endangered species" banner with maybe some creature hybrid or mythical or futuristic creatures next to her (or to illustrate a point, abundant animals of today like rats or cockroaches - although I have a feeling one day it'll be evolutions of the cockroach staring into the exhibit...... another story......)

This poor girl has gone from an ignored box falling at the end of societies bell-curve on the side of the street, to being a sacrifice to the rainbow jellybean priests (which I'm considering finishing one day by the amount of comments about how "cute" they were..... They weren't supposed to be cute!!!) to being the main exhibit at a zoo.

Alrighty, yet another jump-skip, I'd add the date and all like I do in my WiP blog entries but I can't remember the date.

I entered my "Trapped" picture but because I spent so much time changing the setting and trying to evolve the idea that I ended up a few hours before it was due with hardly any sleep writing nonsense about alien evolution and digestive biology If I'd been awake in time for the last minute I would have cropped it down to exclude those panels of information and just have her, the rope, and the shadows/reflections of the aliens.

Wow. I totally can't believe it, I got two, yes TWO votes for my pathetic picture!!! I can't believe it I thought it might have been some sort of joke or something but when I realised that people had actually voted for me - one of them being Comtessa!!! - I told my dad, he got all excited, rang my mum on her cellphone, she got all excited, and now they both think I'm some sort of amazing artist

The problem with this weeks challenge is that the first thing I thought of is something a bit too close to home for me to draw. I tried adding a sci fi horror twist to it but it was still too hard (and started resembling Cyril Van der Haegen's alien dentist from issue 11). And although I've gotten several other ideas since then my mind keeps drifting.

There is one idea which, if I can pull it off in less than a week, I could use for both the weekly and the monthly (if that's allowed) but lack of references and no knowledge of perspective is making it very hard to draw. I'd take a photo of my grandmother but she'd go insane over the prospect of modelling as a princess and I don't want to encourage her too much.

I wish I was Nickillus. He's very good at drawing non-size-6-perfect-warrior-queen-wearing-nothing-but-a-g-string women (ie, older or larger women than the norm) and still making them look beautiful and nicely done. If I try to draw anything other than what is perfect by society it ends up looking like I drew it wrong - although that is a debate for another day.

Maybe I should go impressionist on this one and just do something weird instead of trying to make things look like things, which I'm not very good at, and because random splodges of paint are much easier to draw with my eyesight how it is at the moment than trying to get the details of say, a palm, down right.

Goodness gracious, what a depressing post. I should probably delete it but I'll publish it in case people can give me ideas on my challenge problems.

Discovering Painter

2007-05-15T07:59:00Z

Before I start my rant on the shoddy electric company that keeps turning my computer off mid-sketch, is there a "Corel Painter for absolute, completely clueless, never-painted before, Idiots" book out there?

I just recieved the Corel Painter magazine (issue 2 ) and - since I'd just read through Linda Bergkvist's tutorials on skin - I was so eager to try moving one of my WiPs into Painter to mess around with, but after finishing up a more detailed sketch, the power went out!! So of course I went argh and turned the computer back on and started again, and the power went out again!!
So I'm back on my laptop with it's faithful batteries at the moment and there isn't a whole lot I can do because I'm in an artsy mood but the software on here isn't powerful enough, I can't surf sites because I keep getting kicked off the internet, and I can't do "old school" drawing (ie, pencil and paper) because the lights keep going out, so I'm rambling into a Notepad window....

Corel Painter looks like another one of those programs that is going to take a lifetime to master. I've been playing with photoshop for around six years now and I'm still just a newbie, but Corel Painter seems a lot harder to master because of how "real" everything is. I suppose it's like learning how to paint in real life (which, by the way, I have never done. Kindergarten finger-painted stick figures don't count.) Thankfully, there are tutorial websites out there (I think.... the internet won't stay on long enough for me to check) and this Corel Painter magazine has a great DVD with it that will hopefully teach me how to use it once I can safely get my computer back on.

By the way, to the annoyance of real-life friends but hopefully to the benefit of internet friends, I've made a new MSN Messenger account; chenyun-art@hotmail.com - if you want to talk to me about art, IFX, fantasy (or possibly teach me in one of the many, MANY fields I am clueless in), or whatever, just add me but remember to add "art" or "ifx" so I know you're not just some random internet stalker .....

Anyway, I could continue rambling into Notepad or I could continue reading this Painter magazine. I know what will be more beneficial to my art skills!! So, to reiterate...... nah just kidding I'm going to go read the magazine

Tuesday 15 May, 20:30
Music..... Chemical Romance - I Don't Love You
Inspiration..... Linda Bergkvist
I Wish I Was..... Katarina Sokolova

So the power seems more stable today, but typically, I'm having a bad day and therefore can't use the desktop. I wonder if it's a psychological thing that I only ever want to paint when I can't and when I can I'm not in such an enthusiastic mood....

Anyway, after spending so much time on Furiae.com, today I recieved IFX Issue 7 (back issue.... we're only three issues behind, not eleven ) in the mail today with a beautiful Linda Bergkvist cover, poster, interview and workshop (not to mention the lovely Marta Dahlig in the Q&A again ) so I'm even more inspired to pick up Blossom again, learn enough to convey the original concept emotion in Todd (I much preferred that story to the donkey-head one ) and hopefully stop Ribena from glowing like illuminated gold.

I love it when I get so inspired!!
I'm going to buy Linda Bergkvist that bag she wants just as a thankyou for being so inspirational (although I'm too scared to write her an email because I'm in such awe of her)

Have you seen the video for "I Don't Love You" by my Chemical Romance? I really like the black & white sort of contrasting thing they have going on there, and the porcelain-like mask on the white girl is what I want to try and achieve in my skin renders at the moment; I'll focus on bumps, birthmarks and pores later, once I have my blending sorted...... come to think of it, how DO you convey realistic skin texture with pores etc without them looking dirty or pimple-ridden? Every digital picture I've seen they have flawless skin apart from the odd mole or birthmark, it only seems to be the 3D pictures that have pore-skin textures. I suppose a texture overlay or spackle brush set to a low opacity might work, but I'd have to be working at HUUUUGE resolutions (my pictures are generally around 800x1000). Yet another thing to add to my never-ending list of things to learn!!

This is starting to turn into a ramble so I'd better stop now and maybe tentatively write Linda Bergkvist an email regarding her bag. Eek, it's like sending a letter to George Bush!!

First Drawn-from-Life...

2007-05-13T11:08:00Z

...and it happens to be a self portrait, too!!! I did this as an excersize in hand-eye-tablet-screen coordination and also because someone told me everyone should attach a mirror to their screens to make various expressions at, and that before trying any new medium to make a self-portrait first. Easier said than done!!! If make-believe people are hard to draw then drawing yourself is even harder. I did this old style (with a handmirror in one hand and a pencil in the other) several years ago but it didn't turn out too good then and it didn't this time, either.

Sunday, 14 May, 23:00
Music..... Mika - Grace Kelly
Inspiration..... Android Jones
I wish I was..... Linda Bergkvist

I'm not going to refer to this picture as "me" because it is simply my interpretation of how I saw myself in the mirror. It certainly looks nothing like me. So I'm simply going to name it by the first thing I look at when I stop typing.... okay, "keyboard" doesn't work so I'll go with "Ribena".

The initial rough sketch:

The reason she looks so retarded is probably because I have a tendency to look retarded all the time, and I was staring up at this tiny mirror and trying to draw which gives you an odd expression. Plus I was doing it without my glasses on due to reflected light from them, so I could hardly see!!
But I'm mildly backwards anyway so she can be too. And yes, I'm wearing a bow in my hair right now. We had guests over today and I had to look "cute". The old-lady curly 50s hairstyle is just because I'm trying to grow my hair back from absolute nothingness and of course it grew back super-curly and untamable and not obeying the laws of gravity. The amount of product used to hold my fringe down could sink a ship.

Right now I'm trying to colour it in but I'm finding my skintone hard to do. With my old pictures I'd pencil sketch the shading and then just cover it with a flat colour and let the shading on the pencil sketch darken the colour. With these new-style paintings I've been trying this week though, I use a pallette of colours from light to dark in the shade of the skin and then overlay those shades with a "shadow" colour like blue or purple.

Doing this was right though, it did help, now I can see why my characters didn't look right and why I've been told they look like they're made out of clay, I'm using too pale colours. I am however finding it very difficult to colour the skin of this though because I'm Asian and also sitting in very bad light so if I were to take a digital photo and use the colour-picker-upper-tool, the highlights on my skin would appear very yellow. At this very moment I'm fiddling around trying to stop it looking like she isn't a statue of solid gold.

Monday, 14 May - 01:45
Music..... Tony Bennett; An American Classic
Inspiration..... John Kearney
I Wish I Was..... Linda Bergkvist

I'm going insane over these skintones. My computer is in a little alcove with a bunch of shelves above me with one very poor yellow light. Looking in the mirror from a "real" point of view, I look like I am illuminated with yellow light. Trying to emulate the exact colours I'm seeing in the mirror onto photoshop results in a gold mask:

Actually that got me to thinking about the beautiful mask my sister got from Venice, and I found myself doodling a new concept. I thought it looked a bit too much like one of Linda Bergkvist's pictures though so I went to her site to clarify and remembered that she has skin tutorials there!!! A thousand thankyous to Linda and to the guy on the forum who showed me her site in the first place! I unfortunately have a terrible short term memory as a result of my brain thing and in a week I'd managed to completely forget about those tutorials! So I've bookmarked them and hopefully my next "render" will look less like a Ceremonial Incan Death Mask and more like skin.

It's weird, I've been a fan of celebrities, I've been a fan of popstars (MAN have I been a fan of popstars!!! - another story ), musicians and ice skaters. But recently I've found myself becoming a fan of artists. It's not something you hear often "Oh my god I'm totally like Van Gogh's biggest fan like ever, I like, have all his paintings and like a myspace totally dedicated to him and I'm like totally going to have a fanclub meetup at the next ~~concert~~ art show".
You hear things like "I appreciate Van Gogh's work. I admire Monet. I think DaVinci's work is exquisite" but when people say "I'm a fan of Picasso" they generally don't mean it in the usual "fan" way, like when I say I'm a fan of Avril Lavigne or whatever.

But lately I really am finding a lot of similarities between my "fandom" for celebrities and my appreciation of other artists. Patrick Woodroffe, for example, I go on about him and I have as many of his books that I could get hold of and I use him as inspiration. Is that not being a fan?
My latest to add to my ever-growing list of favourite artists (in the digital section, because I'm a fan of so many artists they need to be divided into sections) is Linda Berkgvist. I first heard about her in IFX issue 6 on the "look what's coming next month" page where they showed her picture "gone". Discovering her website has shot her right up to the top of my favourite digital artists. If you haven't been there yet, go now!!! http://www.furiae.com/

Anyway since this is turning into more of a ramble and less of a Progress report I'll shut up now and try to make my next update purely about the picture!!

The Games Industry

2007-05-12T13:27:00Z

Warning: Super-long uninteresting personal ramble ahead!!

Ok so I really want to get into the Games industry; it's like my career goal at the moment so I suppose it was fate that landed a huge article on getting into the industry at my local newsagent, covering everything you need to get the job of your dreams..... I recommend you read this if you are looking at this career!!

I was in my magazine store and while I was looking for my IFX mag (still only up to issue 15 here......) I found a magazine that had "How to get a job in the Games Industry" in big words on the cover. I bought it without hesitation, although it was only the one article in the whole magazine that I needed. At least it had pretty graphics in it.... but I don't need the 30 pages of cheat codes for Xbox games; the magazine is "Tips & Tricks, #145 (March 2007)"

I'm going to quote some things from the article.... very interesting:

"The lead designer is the person who conceives the ideas... everything from information on how the characters look and behave to any backstory, cutscene and mission-based data."
"It's always a good idea for designers to have a background in programming. Another skill that's useful to a designer is the ability to draw."
"There are positions for writers... to script cutscenes and sharpen the game's dialogue, [or] screenwriting."
"In terms of education, the accent at most game development schools is on the technical end of the business. While some institutions offer courses in game design and theory, most of the curriculums are far heavier on programming, 3D art/animation and advanced math."
"Mastery of 3D art and animation software are two of the primary skills required by today's game development teams... the demand for skilled artists and animators capable of working in a variety of 3D formats is strong."
"The task of creating the look of a game's world is generally divided between Character Artists and Background Artists... There are, however, many more types of art training and areas of specialty in game development than merely animators and Character/Background Arists. Skills in sculpture, graphic design and photography are among the many categories of potential value to the artistically-inclined would-be developer."
"Composers, however, are not nearly so plentiful... while a few musicians have managed to attain celebrity [status], there is still almost no market in the US for game soundtracks. In contrast, Japanese composers are well-known to the Japanese public, who customarily buy CDs of game music from famous franchises such as Final Fantasy."
"When the design document is complete, the storyboards and character artwork have been submitted and the game is ready to get real, it goes to the programmers (including artists and animators). If you're looking to program at a professional level, you'll need to master several different languages, including C, C++, Windows GUI and 3D graphics."
"Once a game reaches the point where it can be play-tested (beta stage), the producers hand it off to the game testers at Quality Assurance. Game testing is the classic entry-level position in development since the only qualification is to be an excellent gamer. Testers are encouraged to explore the game fully, to try unexpected and counter-intuitive moves just to see what happens."
"Once a game has moved to gold status, it is handed off to the people who will attempt to market it. This field includes everything from packaging and design to the individuals who write the press releases."

Okay, I think Game Development was a career created specifically for me (either that or I was created specifically for Game Development). However, although I fit so many criteria that I should be able to head in that direction without looking back, I still have a few doubts.

[Edit: All this is more of a note to myself so it's pretty rambly and repetitive. If you've read this far you must already be bored so feel free to stop reading now before you die of boredom]

THE GOOD

Since I've been confined to bed for six years, I've become quite the gamer - I even have indepth walkthroughs for every game I've ever played written entirely by memory on my website - and I'm also good at finding bugs and exploiting them to cheat in certain difficult areas. This may be because I know the mechanics of games - I coded and administered 3 morpgs for a little while - being a programmer myself. They say "you'll need to master several different languages, including C, C++, Windows GUI and 3D graphics"...... well I had that down by the time I was 14.

I've also had a lifetime of music; I was just about to sit my grade 8 in piano when I got sick, and I can also play violin, trumpet, trombone, clarinet, and saxophone (I specialise in the strings and brass, my sister specializes in voice and wind; she plays oboe, clarinet, recorder, flute, and pipes) For some reason we also took lessons in African Drumming and I intend to learn the ErHu, GuZheng and DiZi (which my father plays) at some stage in my life. I used these skills and a "recording studio" type thing my sister won in a composition competition to compose my own music since I was about 9 or 10, and went on to writing the soundtracks for various games I was designing in my head.

[Edit: I just noticed how some of this post must look, and no, I'm not trying to show off or anything, I'm just listing the skills I have so I can better compose my argument....]

THE BAD

I'm not the best artist in the world, in fact I have practically zero talent (as you can see if you've been following my blog), but I am sooo eager to learn and I really enjoy drawing even though none of it ever comes out right. But, talent or no, art is a passion of mine (why else would I spend $35 every month for IFX mag )

I went on about being a gamer but left out one vital problem, which probably seems minor and silly but seriously I think it could hinder my chances of getting into this industry........ I can't play scary games. Games where I'm rescuing a world of fluffy animals or swordfighting my way to princesses are okay, but games like Silent Hill are just too scary (I also have trouble with japanese movies like The Ring, The Grudge etc).
I also can't drive for sh **, which wipes out any games involving vehicles (in Jak 2 I have the police after me 99% of the time).

Okay, so I'll reiterate everything I've just mentioned by making a checklist of what the magazine suggested

Programming Background
I am fluent in C and C++, I also know C#, Java, VB and the corrosponding .net versions. Most of the software I use is of my own design and I coded three morpgs
Gaming Skill
Although I'm a fairly okay gamer, I wouldn't say I'm brilliant at gaming.... I mean, I'm not like some of the boys I know who can get through an entire 80 hour game in 60 hours without dying. I also suck at driving-type games and I can't play scary games

Design Experience
I sort of covered this in the "programming" section... most of my job on my games was designing areas, characters, quests and storyline. I also make websites. I have NatColl Certificates in Web Design and Digital Design and Imaging (Print Design).
Artistic Talent
I can draw, but only because I've taught myself. I have no natural talent. I am however trying to learn and I'm tossing up between going to Art School or Engineering School when I'm able to go to Uni.
Writing Ability
I love reading books and have been doing creative writing stories as long as I've been able to write. I had a Wyvern Library on ElfWood and also my MUD was completely text-based so descriptions of everything from what a room looks like to the script the NPCs said was entirely creative writing work.
3D Modelling/Animation
I did a NatColl short course in 3D Animation a few years ago and I've also been modelling stupid things for a few years. However, I've never done anything very good on either side - my best model being made entirely out of cylinders and spheres and my best animation consisting of a fairy flapping her wings. I suck at texturing because I can't paint very well.
Beta Testing
As administrator, I always had a "player character" to test out areas before I put them ingame, and this character had no lordly benefits (although I could switch to admin to check the code if there was a serious bug). I also find minor bugs and logic errors in a lot of games I play.

The problem with all these "skills" (even the ones with ticks next to them) is that I'm not brilliant at any of them. I can draw ok, I can program ok, I can compose ok, but I'm not uber-talented super-mario-on-shrooms amazingly wonderful or wonderfully amazing at them.

And even if I got into the industry, what would I do? I couldn't be a concept artist because I'm too vague and the modellers wouldn't know what to do; I couldn't be a matte painter because I can't paint; I couldn't be an art director because compared to most people I know **** all about composition..... Programming wise, being stuck in a cubicle typing code all day every day staring at my Dilbert Desk Calendar would drive me stir-crazy. 3D wise, I have a LOT to learn, and even then I'm not too good at following directions. I think the only thing I'd be able to do and enjoy would be to test the games once they're made - unless of course they're scary!!

Am I just being too picky and placing too many restrictions on myself? Should I learn how to make better 3D, learn art composition, work on my following-directions skills, learn to sit in a cubicle, learn how to play scary games without letting it get to me?
Is the game industry right for me? As far as I can see, it's the only career option I have. I've spent the last six years in bed doing nothing but the following (repeating I know, but this is literally all I've done):

Playing games, finding bugs in said games, writing walkthroughs for aforementioned games.
Coding games, administering them (adding things that players request/fixing bugs players find/making sure the players are happy), being as creative as possible to make it as enjoyable as possible.
Scribbling down ideas for new games.
Learning different languages to program in.
Making websites about my games, or games that I've played (I was the leader of the FF9 section on a well-known Final Fantasy website once)
Drawing!!
Writing stories about people, places and scenarios I've made up.
Composing music for my games.
Watching CG movies like Shrek, Advent Children etc.
Making origami stars (okay, that has absolutely nothing to do with this post, but since I'm making a list of everything I've done in the last 6 years.....)

Since my brain got wiped there is absolutely NO chance of me getting into the 6 degrees I need to make it to my other dream - I've spent my whole life gearing to be an engineer or doctor and eventually chose on Biomedical Technology Engineering - so my only skills are the ones I've listed above (I can also teach parrots to talk and give therapeutic massages to cats, but again, nothing to do with this topic.....)

My parents like to tell me that there's "still a chance" of the BioMed thing happening but they only say that because they're my parents and they have to try and make me feel better etc. In reality I know my brain is just no longer able to do the sort of things it used to and I'd really struggle in that career. I also have no attention span or memory (as you may have noticed by the way I repeat everything at least three times) and inside my head I'm still only around 13 or 14..... just not good enough for a serious engineering career.

I suppose I'm just going through what ever teenager goes through trying to decide on a path in life.... but since I'm a few years behind most people I'm having this crisis now instead of several years ago. I suppose I'm just worried that when I get better I'm either going to have no chance of getting a job, or end up in a job I hate.

Todd: Progress

2007-05-12T11:07:00Z

I found with Blossom it was much easier to make one single blog post dedicated to the WiP rather than making multiple journal entries or filling up the WiP forum with "look what I did in the last five minutes!!" pictures.

Todd is not going very well, if you read my introduction to him. He was supposed to be sad, and I was even contemplating making his wing broken for when I got around to drawing it, but I screwed up when drawing his face and rather than try and draw it again (I have no attention span!!) I just stuck with it and changed his story to fit his new expression.

If you are wondering why I called him Todd, well, so am I. I don't know anybody called Todd and I don't even know why that name came into my head. It just did

Saturday 12 May, 23:00
Music..... Michael Buble - Moondance
Inspiration..... Brian Froud
I wish I was..... Victoria Frances

This evening we went to my grandmothers house to give her her Mothers Day presents and I noticed all of her fairies were not only female, but happy too. I've actually noticed this on a number of occasions and if you know where to find my old gallery on Elfwood (no, I'm not telling!!!) you would have noticed I made a Fairy of Death, a Fairy About To Get Mauled, and an Amazon Fairy About To Spear You, as well as playing around with different ethnicities (why are there never any black, chinese, or bright blue fairies?) Anyway I didn't really want to make such a meaningful message as those pictures conveyed this time, I just wanted to play in photoshop again and I really didn't want to continue with Blossom right now until I have more skills up my sleeve. So I drew Todd, a sad fairy with a broken wing who is sitting on a hill before a burning city, mourning to himself. How quaint.
Great concept, but I didn't stick with it because of my own laziness and also because as I said, I didn't want this to be a deep and meaningful picture, just a playfun character.

So after ditching the original idea (actually it was because I don't know how to draw depressed looking people, which is really funny considering I spend almost my entire life looking at them) I made him this cheeky joke-playing rascal type character.

I tried to paint his face in the same way I made Blossom's, because that seemed to work. I decided not to go with the grey background for working on again because I found that when I made it 0:0:0 black or 255:255:255 white I could see more, so every step I flip it from black to white or vice versa to see what I'm doing better.

Again, I had trouble with the nose but I tried not to use the shadow tone on the edges so it didn't look like "a stuck-on piece of putty" again. The lips!!! Holy cow the lips..... I've never drawn a realistic-type boy before only manga boys so this was really hard!!! Eventually I got sick of trying to make it look right and stuck with just a plain lip-shaped object so I could paint the rest then come back to detail and finish the lips later (I find it easier to paint ears, eyes etc if the character already has a nose and mouth).

The eyes I again made waaay too big and I'm pretty sure the eyes are retarded-looking again, but at least this time his head isn't so angled so I can make the eyes vaguely similar in proportion. I gave him almond eyes to soften him a bit because the eyes he had before would be read as being "evil". It's really hard to know how much eyelashes to give him, too, because if you give him a lot he looks girly but you need to have a realistic amount. Ahhh so much to think about!!! Anyway, here's my first WiP picture:

The scribbles on his face are where his fringe bangs are going to be, and that mysterious black hole is on its way to becoming his other eye. I don't feel like re-drawing his eye tonight, but I can see that it is enormous and horrible again. I don't know if I should stick with this badly big-eye drawing thing and autograph it as my "style" or if I should work harder to make them more real? This guy is especially hard because he's a boy. Boys are too hard to draw!!!

But still, tips on changing his eyes to be better are always welcome. What I really need now though are lips-tips (hey that rhymes!!) because I've just drawn two lines at the moment and the bits where his smile reaches his cheeks look like those smiley faces your teacher draws on your books when you're in year 1

Sunday, 13 May - 15:00
Music..... Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend
Inspiration..... Hoang Nguyen
I wish I was..... Myrrhiam Parker

I'm sick today so unable to use my desktop but that doesn't stop me from working on the image in my head (plus looking at my WiPs from my laptop gives me a new colour understanding). I've decided to completely wipe the face I already have and start afresh because I just realised I scrapped this idea on Blossom out of laziness and now I've gone and done it to Todd too. I need to get out of this horrible habit and actually commit to something. I also just got Issue 15 of IFX and I find Hoang Nguyen's images absolutely breathtaking. He manages to mix a bit of manga style in with realisticness to create awesome pictures so he's my current inspiration. I'm also going to work on my hand-eye tablet-screen coordination, using Android's tips and by doing that thing where you put a mirror on top of the screen and draw a self portrait. A few years ago I did the one where you close your eyes and angle your head at the ceiling and draw, I think it was called "the spatial test" or something... As you can tell by the results, I didn't do very well!

But then, this was a few years ago and before I had a tablet!!!

Once I've drawn my own face, and studied other faces a bit more (I wish I had a brother or other male relative!! My dad's a bit too old to use for this character) then I'll continue with Todd. For now, he's officially "on hold" - but knowing me, I'll either never open the file again or have it finished by the end of the week

Todd

2007-05-12T10:50:00Z

I know he should have some way-out fantasy name like "melancholic faerie of the apocalypse" or something but I just decided to call him "Todd", for no particular reason. The ~~scribble~~ concept sketch was pretty cool but when I decided to define it I realised I didn't know how to draw miserable faces (as is obvious by my expressionless zombie-like Blossom) so instead of making him sitting on a hill in front of a city on fire being all depressed and such, I decided to have him sitting on a hill in front of a bunch of people with donkey heads looking all cheeky and such. Actually, I only decided that after I'd drawn his face, and I asked my mum what his expression was (because I can't tell BLOCKED EXPRESSION and she said he looked cheeky and maybe he was Puck? Well I'm not daring give myself any authority to draw the fabled Puck, so I drew Todd instead.

Here was the ~~scribble~~ concept sketch where, even as a sphere, he managed to look somewhat sad:

This was when I attempted and failed miserably to define his face. My manga influences keep getting in the way of me making a realistic looking face and since I can't grasp the concept of subtle facial expression he ended up looking completely opposite to how I wanted:

Yes, he is going to have hair, but I don't want this Legolas-type long-haired dude because he's already bishounen enough and long hair would make him pass from androgynous to feminine. I have my typical anime fringe bangs/wisps because I think they still look cool on bishounen guys even if hardly anyone in real life has them (when you get invited to a fairy teaparty and can take a good look at all their hairstyles; then talk to me. For now, he's half manga )

Boys lips are so hard to draw!!! If you don't give them the M they don't look like lips but if you give them too much of an M they look like girls!!! And you can't make them too full or they look like they're wearing lipstick but not too thin or they look like they just ate a lemon. As for the eyes..... well I've given them an almond shape because I do want him to be fairly bishi but I'm going to make up for it by thick eyebrows. I don't know what I'm going to do about the eyelashes because in manga the rules are different to the rules of real life and I don't want to make it look like he's wearing Maybelline Volumising Mascara.

Anyway, I'll make a progress page dedicated to the WiP so I don't have to make a new blog post everytime I add a brush stroke. This post here was just to introduce you to him:
World, meet Todd, your bringer-of-doom-turned-bringer-of-practical-jokes. Todd, meet World, the people who are going to be scrutinizing your appearance for the rest of your existence.